Imaginary Happy job..

So I'm looking for a job to make me smile. There was an add for flower delivery. I think I could do that for a while. I'll see.
I also want to do balloons.
My goal is to make atleast 60 dollars extra a week if not more.
Well that is my money goal and smile goal.

Balance?

I'm getting all my toys out.. all my phrases out... to deal with this grief.
phrase one: Disease is no one's fault.
phrase two: Love until it hurts.
phrase three: Try to balance again.
Each time I fall off the band wagon of feeling okay...I just try to step up one more time but it hurts not having her here. That pain will be here for a while. I can't get everything I ever wanted. Nope.. not happening although it would be a little more delightful if this pain could go away..

gotta go..

Take time to realize

There are some wonderful photos out there to be had. I think I'm heading to the park and cleaning my car out.

The passion of the daily grind

I went through my books this morning as I tried to remember what it is that I want to do. I'm a woman who has found the joy of reading the exotic travel logues of Mary Kinglsey, enjoys art, and basically enjoys laying about some days.
Unfortunately when I am working on a good bye ( this week was the 3 month anniversary.), I tend to forget the the joys and focus on the mellow sadness. So what do I do? How do I keep my personal life from turning to pooh?
I guess the answer is in the same practice keeping the door open even when I don't know why. Allowing humour in when possible. Allowing the world to speak into my soul. And sleeping when it is needed.

Mumu

...So I was focusing on being quiet ...

when my husband started to tell a story about our imaginary house.

In our imaginary house there would be my very own green house. My green house would have mango trees, orange trees, avocado trees, all species of ferns, roses, carnation, tamotoes...

Hidden amongst the plants would be monkeys, butterflies, frogs, and what other imaginary creatures I could find in it.. ( Oops my husband reminded me about the hermit crabs)

And then I would have a mumu... :) Why a mumu they are bright and colorful and fun to say the word mumu.. Infact that would be all that I would do saying mumumumumumumumum0000 all the way through the imaginary house into the imaginary green house...

And in fact I will "MU MU" a little here "MUMU" There

here a "MMUUU" ..

MUUUUUUUU

By the end of it... I fell for it. I was laughing my ass off.

It's absence..

A place to dream that she would be...



Toys that she could be hugging..



A candle to bring back her light.


And the labrynth to remember everything that I've forgotten..
I can't take a photograph of what isn't right in my world. It's the absence that defines it. It's a she that should be here but isn't. I can fill up this blog's with things...but what actually shows a loss... a missing piece?
I miss you...

Got hope?

That's my question? Hope in a world where gas prices increase, violence abounds, and it becomes clearer that planet earth is not disney world with earthquakes and hurricanes. But then there is laughter, there are hugs, there are dreams.

I'm not too into this election but I love this bumper sticker.

I have dreams but I'm not sure that I have hope.

I woke up early... So off to the park I go..




It's cold outside and I'm lonely. My dreams have taken a back burner. I would wake up early for school for a 1.25 years. Now I have the time to try but sometimes I don't feel up to it. Go outside in the dead of the morning to get cold and wet? To change nothing of the past few months. But I'm going to try. Because although I can't feel or watch her kick.. I can look at what is happening is outside. Spring is nice.










Even after all the dark and cocern there is beauty. And when beauty doesn't calm me done? There is an orange bug with spikes on its tush to give me the creepy crawlies. The creepy crawlies do a wonderful job of taking the spotlight in my focus.

In the begining when earth was just a hunk of rock and the sun was burning bright; there were no paths; no trees; no monkeys.. And now billions of years later I am sitting here typing. In just the blink of time that I've existed I've hiked and crawled through many difficult situations. I've seen many faces of wonder and divine... And right now I'm coming to terms with life again...
Here is my morning hike....